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Before marriage we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession.  After marriage we revert to being the people we were before we ‘fell in love.’  ~Gary Chapman

Have you noticed that all of the love languages have something in common?

They all require thought, planning, time and effort.  Love is an action word– not just an emotion.  A good love-er realizes this and puts forth the effort to make it happen.

It’s very likely that your loved one did not just happen across you one day in the farmer’s market and fall in love.  That’s movie stuff.  There were things that you did to woo one another.   You offered them the best of  you… and when you married, made a lifelong commitment.  For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health… you know the drill.

The gift of you:

Doing things that you know your hunny would like you to do– serving this special person to whom you’ve committed you life to, in ways that speak volumes of love to them, is your gift of yourself.

Expressing love by doing things is obviously important in ANY relationship– though for the person with Acts of Service as their love language– it is vital.

Without the fuel of doing things for them their love tank will dry up and they will feel completely unloved.

Special Services:

If you suspect that Acts of Service may be the love language of your partner, try asking for a list of a few things that they’d like you to do at some point in the next week.  It’s important to find out what things make THEM feel loved.

Try to do some of these things on their list and see what the response is.  If their language is Acts of Service you will see a tentative response– fairly quickly.

• If you are receiving criticism, seriously consider the fact that this is most likely a cry for love.
  
• Turn the tables by stopping what you’re doing and tell them something like:  “That seems really important to you.  Could you tell me a little more why this is so crucial?”
  
• Let them know you are in their corner and want them to feel loved– then get busy on the honey-do-list!  It will take some of your time, but reward you with a happy and in-love with you spouse…
  

A word to the wise:

• If this is YOUR love language– please make sure to ask nicely… Requests are so much easier to respond to than demands.
• Identify what things your family could do to create a feeling in you of being loved.   If they are not doing these things now, demanding or nagging will only bring more division among the ranks.
  
• Talk to them about why doing these things is so important to you and how you would feel so loved if they would do these things for you.  Who could resist that?

Love Tank Fuel for Acts of Service people:

1. Cut out some heart shaped notes that say:  “Today I will show my love to you by…”  Complete the sentence with something they’ve asked you to do.
2. While your spouse is away (send them on an errand if you need to) get the kids to help do something they’d like.  When they come home say, “Surprise!  We love you!” and/ or post a sign that says, “To … with love” and sign your name.
   
3. What one thing has your spouse nagged about consistently?  Why not decide to see the nag as a ‘tag’ of what is really important to them.
4. Ask for daily acts of service that would really speak love to him or her.  Seek to work these into your daily schedule– little things do really mean a lot!
5. Ask, “If I could do one special act of service this week, what would you request?”

Related articles:

1. Receiving Gifts- Giving Living
2. Quality Time- Helloooo??
3. Words of Affirmation- Are you loved?
4. Do You Speak Love?
   

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