Have you noticed that all of the love languages have something in common?

They all require thought, planning, time and effort.  Love is an action word– not just an emotion.  A good love-er realizes this and puts forth the effort to make it happen.

It’s very likely that your loved one did not just happen across you one day in the farmer’s market and fall in love.  That’s movie stuff.  There were things that you did to woo one another.   You offered them the best of  you… and when you married, made a lifelong commitment.  For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health… you know the drill.

The gift of you:

Doing things that you know your hunny would like you to do– serving this special person to whom you’ve committed you life to, in ways that speak volumes of love to them, is your gift of yourself.

Expressing love by doing things is obviously important in ANY relationship– though for the person with Acts of Service as their love language– it is vital.

Without the fuel of doing things for them their love tank will dry up and they will feel completely unloved.

Special Services:

If you suspect that Acts of Service may be the love language of your partner, try asking for a list of a few things that they’d like you to do at some point in the next week.  It’s important to find out what things make THEM feel loved.

Try to do some of these things on their list and see what the response is.  If their language is Acts of Service you will see a tentative response– fairly quickly.

• If you are receiving criticism, seriously consider the fact that this is most likely a cry for love.
  
• Turn the tables by stopping what you’re doing and tell them something like:  “That seems really important to you.  Could you tell me a little more why this is so crucial?”
  
• Let them know you are in their corner and want them to feel loved– then get busy on the honey-do-list!  It will take some of your time, but reward you with a happy and in-love with you spouse…
  

A word to the wise:

• If this is YOUR love language– please make sure to ask nicely… Requests are so much easier to respond to than demands.
• Identify what things your family could do to create a feeling in you of being loved.   If they are not doing these things now, demanding or nagging will only bring more division among the ranks.
  
• Talk to them about why doing these things is so important to you and how you would feel so loved if they would do these things for you.  Who could resist that?

Love Tank Fuel for Acts of Service people:

1. Cut out some heart shaped notes that say:  “Today I will show my love to you by…”  Complete the sentence with something they’ve asked you to do.
2. While your spouse is away (send them on an errand if you need to) get the kids to help do something they’d like.  When they come home say, “Surprise!  We love you!” and/ or post a sign that says, “To … with love” and sign your name.
   
3. What one thing has your spouse nagged about consistently?  Why not decide to see the nag as a ‘tag’ of what is really important to them.
4. Ask for daily acts of service that would really speak love to him or her.  Seek to work these into your daily schedule– little things do really mean a lot!
5. Ask, “If I could do one special act of service this week, what would you request?”

Related articles:

1. Receiving Gifts- Giving Living
2. Quality Time- Helloooo??
3. Words of Affirmation- Are you loved?
4. Do You Speak Love?
   

The giving of gifts is a universal sign of love.  Almost all known cultures practice the art of giving.  The gift itself is a symbol of the thought that went into choosing it– it really doesn’t matter whether it costs money, really.

Visual symbols of love are much more important to some people than others.  For some, this is their love language.  Receiving Gifts.

The good news is that if this is your loved ones ‘language’, it is one of the easiest to learn!

Problems arise concerning our perceptions of money’s purpose.  Some of us are spenders (OH, me.) and some are savers.  If you are a saver, you may experience emotional resistance to the idea of spending money as an expression of love.  By saving money you are purchasing self-worth and emotional security.  You are caring for your own emotional needs.

If you are a saver and have a loved one with Receiving Gifts as their love language, you will need to adjust your values.  You may consider gifting to be investing in your relationship.  When they feel loved, they will be much more likely to reciprocate love in a way that is meaningful to you.

No need to break the bank:

Giving WILL cost you something, but it doesn’t have to drain your pocketbook.  Instead, it may cost you:

1. A few extra minutes
   
2. A bit of planning
   
3. A little attention
   

Giving the gift of YOU is probably the one gift that they want more than anything else.  After all, that IS why you are in a relationship, right?  Your physical presence at important events and times of crisis will speak of your dedicated love to someone who’s love language is Receiving Gifts.  If they ask for you to be somewhere specifically– pay attention!  Your absence at an important time may be interpreted by them to be an absence of love.

If you have difficulty cultivating the art of giving, get some help from friends and/ or family.

Filling up the love tank:

1. Bring home a single flower
2. Call and ask if they want anything while you are out
3. Shower little gifts over the course of a day- A love note in the morning, have flowers delivered in the afternoon, bring home a little something later.
   
4. Stop somewhere each day for a week to get something unique.  Whether it be a wild flower from the side of the road or a specialty item from a little gift shop.
5. Offer the gift of your presence.  Let them know you want to be with them at any event or occasion they would like this month.
6. Give a book you think they’d like to read together with you and set aside time to do just that.
7. Give a living gift such as a plant or tree.  Your gift will live on and on!  (hopefully!!)

Gifts need not be expensive, nor must they be given weekly.  But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.     ~Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages

Related articles:

Quality Time- helloooo??

Words of Affirmation- Are you loved??

Do You Speak Love??

The problem is, I speak the love language of Quality Time.

Quality time is more than mere proximity.  It’s about focus.   You see, my hunny speaks words of affirmation.  That’s lovely and I appreciate him very much for that.  But, what makes me feel loved is when he stops to talk to me, or takes time out to go for a walk with me.  It’s all about the time.  I feel loved when things are planned out by him, especially time for a date night or alone time.  I appreciate a hug anytime, but it’s extra special if I can tell you are not thinking about something else at the same time.  Getting the drift??

People who’s love language is Quality Time will often say things like, “Let’s do something together.”   “Are you listening?”  “What are you thinking about?” These are all cries for Quality Time.  When we get to the place where we are asking these questions, our love tank is dangerously low…

Quality conversation is also very important in any healthy relationship, but especially for Quality Time folks.  Talking involves the aspects of sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.  Not only to listen, but to listen in a way that assures us that you are truly listening…

**Most of us don’t expect you to solve our problems.  We just want to be heard.  Though, when we ask for help– then we need your attention to help us come up with a solution.

Another important aspect of quality conversation can be self-revelation.   It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.  This may take some cultivating on your part, but will be well worth it!  Because when our love tanks are full– we are very interested in filling yours…

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time.  Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do.  Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.  Even watching football can be quality time, if you take a few minutes every so often to look at me and tell me why all those people just screamed…

When we were dating my love tank was always full!  He wanted to know everything about me.  We talked for hours a day and spent time together almost daily.  Now that we have been married for 16 years, it is more of a challenge.  I believe this is true with any love language, but especially so with Quality Time.

Here are some ideas for filling up your hunny’s Quality Time love tank:

1. If you can’t stop to listen right then, let them know that you want to listen– but can it wait 15 minutes?  We are perfectly willing to wait.  Don’t forget though…
2. Develop traditions that involve focused time such as having a hot beverage together in the morning or going for a walk after dinner three times a week.
3. Remember to focus when you’re together.  Taking your hunny out to eat doesn’t even make you any love tank points if you are preoccupied with the sports channel or your mind is a million miles away.
4. While giving a hug, let them know that you think of them throughout the day, that you think they are special, and/ or what you particularly appreciate about them.
5. Make a date with your loved one to talk to them in a cozy spot, even if for only 15 minutes.
   
6. Pretend the TV is broken one night a month.